I can remember as a child having a very real fear of the dark…particularly at my bedtime.
This wasn’t a fear that made me anxious for a few minutes before sleep finally took over. No, my fear was a thick knot in my throat. A heart racing, sweat on my forehead, heavy breathing kind of fear. It didn’t help that I also had a very active imagination. One that would slam into overdrive once the lights were out.
There was awhile when I was kid that my family lived in a trailer house that sat a little further than a football field’s length away from a train track. I don’t know why, but anytime the lights were off in that trailer, it was incredibly dark in there. The kind of pitch black that no matter how long you tried to adjust your eyes to it, you still couldn’t see a thing.
My sister and I shared a bedroom. We had bunk beds that my dad constructed and sat in the shape of an “L”, with my bunk being on the top while my sister’s was on the bottom. Our bedroom was on the South side of the trailer next to a hall area that held our washer and dryer as well as a bathroom that the whole family used. My parent’s kept the bathroom light on at night, as they knew my fear of the dark, and most of the time I slept peacefully without incident.
But there were those nights when a storm would blow through town and knock the power off, or my parent’s would simply forget after using the bathroom to leave the light on…that I would somehow always wake up to the pitch black. Times when I would call out to my parents (more like scream if I’m being honest), they would come running across the trailer; their pounding footsteps, the harmonious beat of my salvation from the dark. They would comfort me and turn the bathroom light on so that it’s revealing rays could splash across my bedroom door frame and bring my heart peace.
Then there were some nights that I would wake up in the dark and not cry out. I don’t know why. Maybe there’s some kind of instinct God puts in us, even as children, that tells us we have to face the dark sometimes. During these occasions my mind would go through all the various scenarios of how I was not safe and something was going to get me. There was one particular story that I would rewind and play over in my head more than others. You see, at some point I had a babysitter who kept a lot of kids, including my sister and I. One day, there was a kid at this nursery that told a group of us a story about a little boy and girl named Hansel and Gretel, and how they got lost in the woods and an old woman tried to eat them.
I have no idea how old I was at the time, but I do know that because of the way this kid told the story, the fact that it was a fictional tale, never entered my frame of mind. So to me, he was giving true testimony to a story and world that once was foreign to me. A world where scary old ladies in the woods (“creepy old witch lady” was what he called her many times) tried to seduce children with candy and then kidnap them to satisfy their cannibalistic hunger pangs. Except in my case (as I lay in the dark), I was certain that the part where I was offered candy was not in the cards. Instead a bony, long finger-nailed, green skinned, hand of a witch was at some point going to grab me by the ankle and pull me off my bunk bed and into the closet.
As childish as my thoughts were, they were thoughts that were terrifyingly real to me. My body would shake and I would always role over in my bed, facing the wall, and hope beyond hope that the creepy old witch lady would not come for me…and of course she never did. I would face those nights with fear in my heart, but eventually sleep would come and I would wake up in the morning no worse for wear.
Like most children, I eventually overcame my fear of the dark and learned most importantly that not all stories are true. I also grew into the knowledge that I didn’t have to face the dark alone. I have a God in my corner that sees the dark for what it is and stands true to protect me when I need it.
This is also true of all of our lives.
I know that some of you face real darkness in your life that I can’t even comprehend. The kind of darkness that isolates you into fear about what might happen today or tomorrow. You might be struggling in your fight with addiction or dodging the fists of your abuser. Maybe you’re a single parent with no help and no idea how you’re going to take care of your family. Maybe you’re a husband and wife that’s behind on the bills, have almost no food in the refrigerator, and a child that needs an operation right now and not later. Maybe your marriage is falling apart. Maybe you’re hanging with the wrong people. Maybe you’ve become frightened by what you’ve invited into your life by way of the occult. Maybe the doctor has just given you an unfavorable diagnosis. Maybe your faith in God is lessening every day. Maybe you hurt in ways you can’t describe. Maybe it hurts to think…to move…to even breathe. Maybe you’re thinking, “I never knew my heart could ache this painfully”.
There are so many ways we can find ourselves lost and fearful in the dark of life. So many scenarios that we all can face. Brother’s and sister’s, I can’t say that I know what you’re feeling or what you’re going through…because I don’t. I can say with confidence though, that Jesus knows what you’re feeling and what you’re going through. And no matter what it is, He’s here for you. He’s not scared, surprised, or caught off guard by what you’re facing, and He’s going to love you through every second of it.
He’s everywhere.
He’s for you. He’s with you.
So don’t let the darkness bring you into a spirit of fear. Instead, let yourself be open to His possibilities and let His love and wisdom, blaze your path forevermore. If you call to Him, He will respond. We just have to be willing to listen…really listen.
Even in the dark we can find the light.
“Is there any place I can go to avoid Your Spirit? To be out of Your sight? If I climb to the sky, You’re there! If I go underground, You’re there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute—You’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, 'Oh, He even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!' It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to You; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to You.”
