I’m going to be the splinter.
The sharp piece that sticks up amongst a billion slivers of grain that all flow evenly and in the same direction, making up a piece of wood. The piece that warns of difference…the piece that refuses to go with the grain.
I’m going to go against the grain.
I’m going to LIVE against the grain.
I’m going to stand next to my fellow man and remind him of what being a man really is. I’m going to remind him of what it looks like…I’m going to remind him of how it feels.
If we’re being honest the guys in the culture of today are struggling, and most have no clue what it means to be a man. Many have trouble revealing who they even are and what they’re about…just simple faceless observers and most have no clue how to treat a woman or even how to pursue her.
For so long I’ve sat back and watched as guys wrap themselves into their phones, televisions, video games, and computers. So much so that even having a simple face to face conversation with a woman creates panic and fear in their hearts. It’s come to the point that men would rather approach a woman by text or social media…and yes, notice that I said, “approach” and not “pursue”…because guys, you’re not pursuing a woman by sending her a constant barrage of text messages to her phone.
If we’re being honest guys it’s not just the “convenience” of texting or social media, or that everyone talks that way in today’s world that we choose to approach women with these vehicles of communication. No, if we’re being honest we approach women this way because we fear rejection. Because our culture is breeding an era of insecure men that are so timid and lacking confidence that just the mere thought of possible rejection has guys turning to their phone’s to shoot off the next text instead of walking up to the girl they’re interested in and asking her out. At least that way we don’t have to see her say, “no” if it comes to that.
Let’s take it a step further.
Let’s say you do (by any approach) get that date with her…let’s say a relationship does begin. What then? How will you pursue her? How does a man lead and honor a woman and her heart in the midst of their relationship?
Do you know?
If you don’t, will you let me offer you some suggestions?
And please understand that I’m not a professional counselor or anything, I’m just a man ready to see his brothers in Christ stand tall once again and stop hiding behind laptops and computer screens.
So for one, it’s time to start being intentional towards that woman you’re interested in, and that means going to her face to face and asking her out.
DON’T you dare ask her out via text message or email! I don’t care if it’s even a long distance scenario, if you have enough interest to ask her out, you either do it face to face or at the least make a phone call.
Don’t hide behind technology because it’s so impersonal and honestly really lazy.
Part of showing her your interest is showing her she’s worth pursuing beyond the borders of your Iphone.
Also remember that a man should always and consistently (and this includes after a relationship is started) take the first step and take on the risk of any kind of rejection. Always let her know where you stand and your intentions so she can feel secure instead of lost in the mystery. Just keep in mind that while being straight forward and honest is always the way to go…don’t freak her out. Talking about marriage and children on the first date may not be your best course of dialogue.
Next…and I’m going to make this as plain as I can…don’t be a douche bag.
Pursue her! Show interest and do what you can to make her feel special and valued. There is a mindset amongst some of the guys in our culture that says, “The less I give the more I get back.” That’s crap, guys…that’s just total BS.
Here me when I say this…
Be intentional with your pursuit of her, but also be intentional about guarding her heart.
Don’t be flaky…if she contacts you then get back with her.
If for some reason you don’t see things moving past friendship, then man up and be honest with her. Don’t just ignore her out of the blue or block her number from your phone so you don’t have to talk to her…that’s just cowardice and that’s just low.
Show some respect and honor her heart by guarding it…even if the relationship is not going to work out…that’s what a man does.
The truth is, there’s probably an infinite amount of things that could be said here, but I’m hoping this is a start…or a least a good start to begin an even better conversation.
Men, you need to also remember that if you’re not pursuing God first in your life, then you shouldn’t be pursuing her. Get your crap together before you pull a woman into your life. She’ll respect your stability and pursuit of Jesus and you’ll be displaying the kind of character every woman wants in a man.
Guys, we have to start making a change…we have to fight against what our culture is defining men to be, because it’s not even close to what God intended for us and the women in our lives.
It’s time to start being the splinter.
