6 Months of Silence

I write…it’s what I do.

It’s how I choose to share with the world a different part of my story; the part of my story that seems to have an issue passing through my lips and being told via audible words. But as I stood there on an unseasonably warm December day almost six months ago, watching my daughters chase each other at the park…I could hear God in my heart telling me to lay my writing down. More than that, I could feel it.

But why? I mean, what’s the point of laying my writing down if it blesses others and it helps give me purpose? I thought to myself.

And that’s when a scary thing happened.

I heard no voice in my heart respond.

I felt nothing that gave me an answer to my question.

These things were gone and all that was left…was silence.

A shuddered breath rattled my chest and escaped my mouth as I took in this new experience. I realized that whether it was me or God, I had always felt or heard something within me that helped form the essence of my writings…but more than that…that voice was always there in some way and it had never left…until now.

What is this? I thought. What is this all about?

But I knew the answer to that question already, and it stood out as plainly as the vacant voice in my heart.

God was calling me to silence. Not from the words of my mouth but from the vehicle of writing I had created…this vehicle that I had somehow convinced myself gave me purpose and meaning in the world. I had been writing for so long that I forgot what it was like to be without it, and because of that I had grown to abuse this talent I had honed over the years. I was allowing it to fully confront the hearts of people as they read instead of revealing it to them in my own life and in my actions.

I had gained my significance from the wrong source and now God was telling me to get back on track and lay down what I was holding onto so tightly.

And so a 6 month journey of silence began with no “issued statement” to the readers of my blog…no small written entries on Facebook explaining the reason behind my actions for not writing. Instead I chose to do exactly what God had told me to…to lay my writing down in full…and come to experience Him and the people around me in a whole new way. A way that would require me to open myself up like never before…to meet people where they were at instead of them having to type in the URL to my blog and see what I had to say. It was a challenging experience but honestly one of the greatest ones I’ve had in my life. And it’s an experience that I don’t plan on giving up ever again.

This was also a time for me to experience and take in God in a way I haven’t before as well. It was a time of realization for me…where I began to understand that my significance will always come from God, and not my writing. It’s important that all of us as writers take in this distinction.

So does this post mean I’m back to writing again? Does it mean I’ll be posting to my blog again?

Well…yes.

But I can’t deny that the last 6 months have changed the way I see and approach the world, and I say that in the sense that I will no longer completely use my writing to speak to it. Does this mean you’ll see a difference in style or content? Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m here now. Just a man seeking God and hoping others will join him along the way.

I can tell you this for sure though…I’ll never look at silence the same again.

“My soul quietly waits for the True God alone because I hope only in Him. He alone is my rock and deliverance, my citadel high on a hill; My salvation and my significance depend ultimately on God; the core of my strength, my shelter, is in the True God.

Have faith in Him in all circumstances, dear people. Open up your heart to Him; the True God shelters us in His arms.”

–Psalm 62:5-8