I’m not exactly sure when the trend started in our culture, but I do know that the motivation to “keep it real” has become ingrained into the psyche of men and women the world over. And I’m not saying that speaking YOUR interpretation of truth on any particular subject or situation is wrong, I mean, I write a blog; so I offer my truth a lot. But there is a point where keeping it real can turn into something far different if we’re not careful.
Hatred, meanness, cut-downs, negativity, rudeness, and being cruel, are all elements that can be brought out in the heat of the moment while we’re “KEEPIN’ IT REAL!” It’s the difference between having a civil disagreement with someone concerning relationships, family, work, religion, politics, abortion, sexual preference, money, etc…and it suddenly turning into a name calling session or personal attack. If the conversation takes that heated slant, than unfortunately some hidden darkness from within comes out and there’s no telling what damage will be incurred when the last words are said.
So Jeremy, why are we talking about this on FORGIVENESS FRIDAY?
Simple. I’ve found that one of the biggest struggles a person faces in the journey of forgiveness is offering forgiveness to someone else, who doesn’t ask for it.
I’m sure you know what I mean.
I’m talking about when a person hurts you, but refuses to apologize. Or maybe they don’t even think they were wrong to begin with! I brought up the “Keeping it real” concept because I’ve both hurt others and have been hurt, by the words and actions of individuals saying how they were just being “real”. People that follow this concept (and I’ll include myself as one who does at times) usually have a hard time finding a place of humility and then seeking forgiveness from the person they’ve hurt. So because of this, many folks are left wondering how to respond when we are wronged by someone, but never receive that earned “I’m sorry”. I mean, it’s the right thing to do, right?
Yes, I believe it is the right thing to do and I think it’s not wrong to expect that action from others; but did you know that Scripture doesn’t place that condition on forgiveness. Instead, God commands US (or whoever the hurt person is) to initiate this difficult conversation, when someone who hurts us doesn’t seek out forgiveness.
“This is what you do if one of your brothers or sisters sins against you: go to him, in private, and tell him just what you perceive the wrong to be. If he listens to you, you’ve won a brother.”
--Matthew 18:15 (VOICE)
Now, does this mean you should go to this person with an “attack” sort of attitude and demand their apology? Of course not, and if you did do that, you probably won’t get what you were seeking. Remember, the point of forgiveness is not just an apology, but also reconciliation. And while it may take a significant amount of time and healing, reconciliation is possible…and that’s an awesome thing.
So what do you do if you seek out the person that hurt you, talk to them about it, and they still don’t apologize?
Brothers and sisters, as hard as it may be to do, we still owe them forgiveness. It’s critical to our healing and moving forward that we make the choice to forgive and not let someone else’s actions or inaction, rule our emotions and quality of life. You deserve to be happy, we all do, and God wants us to have joy in our lives.
So don’t hold a grudge…it’s not worth it. Look at the situation and what happened and learn from the experience. Then move on. There is no hardship in life that we can’t grow stronger from, and if we refuse to forgive those that won’t apologize, then the hurt we feel may become of our own making.
